May 28, 2026

Busy, and tired. It seems I’ve been doing less and less and just needing more and more sleep. It doesn’t feel like there’s anything physiologically the problem, though if this feeling persists I’ll definitely bring it up at my annual wellness check. The big drain seems to be recognizing more fully the way holding space for the kids is draining for my brain in particular. The interruptions, and interruptions of interruptions, and interruptions of interruptions of interruptions take a lot of mental energy for me to try to get things like chores done. It feels inevitable that as soon as I pour milk on my Cheerios one of the kids needs to go to the bathroom. It’s a soggy Cheerios time of life. Then there’s the bickering and tantrums, which are things I try to be very intentional about holding space for, even when it feels like holding that space is the last thing I want to do. What I feel like doing is blowing up or walking away, but for the sake of their emotional development I sit there and keep myself calm and hold that space for them. Which takes me an enormous amount of energy. It feels like containing an exploding bomb.

So I nap. And that’s usually enough, for now.

At the same time as I write all that, I’m afraid I’m just complaining. That there’s more I could be doing, and am just focused on the miserable parts. To some degree, it’s true that I’m focused on that side of things. It’s not like I don’t have fun with my kids. I do. It’s just that the fun parts don’t seem to energize me as much as the hard parts enervate me.

What else is up… doing a second cycle on the podcast, glad that we got our first episode release and simultaneously acutely aware that it could be much better. Some negative changes to the financial situation in exchange for some positive changes to the square footage situation. Preparing for approaching camping trips. Finished one last weekend, which was a blast.

April 21, 2026

I just got back from staffing my first NWTA. Big experience. Tons of support. Mostly positive feelings. Some extremely heavy fear and sadness. Not wanting to do the work. Believing it doesn’t matter. AND, it was a space in which I could name that fear and sadness and not be judged for feeling it. Have men actually thank me for expressing it, and sit with me as I wrestled with it. And then getting back on task and performing to a degree I didn’t think I’d be able to. This work is real. And I have doubts. And I think that’s probably just another part of the work.

Prepping for a podcast recording this week. Interviewing Frank Monasterio about his research into Theodor Adorno’s book on The Authoritarian Personality. Angling to understand this more through the lens of what Carl Jung might say about it (since the podcast is sponsored by the Idaho Friends of Jung). Excited and a little nervous. Not sure what’s going to transpire, but I’m going to do my best to make the conversation interesting and engaging.

March 24, 2026

What to talk about this month… it’s been a lot of uphill: things accumulating more rapidly than I’m able (maybe willing) to handle them. But when it shifts to a downhill, man, it shifts quickly. I can really get caught up a ton on a single slow day. Which is nice. And also easy to use as an excuse to not work too hard (no judgment—ok, maybe a little judgment).

I did a 4-round job interview process that was fun and rewarding. It was interesting to go through it in the context of my new ASD diagnosis. I know more now about the kinds of things that will be naturally more challenging for me. For instance, I miss certain queues in conversation and don’t pivot into openings I don’t expect to find out more. That’s not a problem, though it may be for certain jobs. It’s not something I can’t self-accommodate for, and it’s not like I’ll ever be the only candidate with a weakness. I have other strengths that compensate. As do all other candidates.

Still, I’m not even sure a new job is what I want. It might be. I’ll keep looking at it and considering.

Other than that, nothing much comes to mind at the moment. I’m solo with the kids this week while my wife is on a work trip. So far, so good.

February 27, 2026

So I was diagnosed with ASD, and I’m processing that. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings, mostly good/curious. I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with me, which someone expressed they did feel when they got diagnosed. That’s all I need to say for now.

Well, no: one more thing. One big thing it’s helped reframe is the part of entrepreneurialism that I’ve always been bad at, which is identifying a problem that other people have that I can solve. This is the start of any business idea, and I know now that I’m simply not skilled at putting myself in other people’s shoes, and that I don’t want to put extra effort into trying to get good at it. I need a partner.

Lots of business the past month, some good conversations. Hard to say where I’m at in the midst of all of the sound and change. Will keep going, keep growing. Not stuck.

Looking forward to seeing what happens in the next month.

January 27, 2026

This page was getting so long it was affecting performance, so I copied all earlier content here.

It’s been a wonderful year so far. Lots of time to play games, relaxing into parenthood while simultaneously recognizing that it is, in fact, getting easier. The kids are more capable and easier to handle alone, even while weathering the 2-year-old’s increasingly emotional outbursts.

As a notable example, I did an intake today for an autism screening. My previous interview for this was 13 months ago, and my satisfaction with life is obviously much higher than it was then. We revisited some of the things I talked about back then, and curiosity about the causes of my dissatisfaction seem to have been a big driver of those interviews. So it was encouraging to see how much I’ve grown and adapted to life as a parent in the past 13 months. I hope that continues. My biggest fear over the past few years has been that it wouldn’t.